| A Love Letter to Myself
I just spent my yesterdays but I am waiting to have tomorrow to celebrate my Yesterdays. I am the girl who always doubts whether other girls also have the same thing. But is it good for having doubt specifically for self? While in the age of maturity we know how to tackle the ways to do with belief of can or cannot. There's another middle situation that is called doubt that is found in my Yesterday's life.
I spent half of my age with the energy of escaping the importance of myself. When I did not have time to think about the things that I was doing. That became a big deal for me when I came to know I was born as a girl. There was a big question for me: why do I exist? I have lost my hopes to raise me up. My inner peace was the huge stone to move forward. But the previous decade made that stone a peaceful place where I can explain each situation through my words as I did. But today's difference is my words have become a valuable voice. Might be not for others but for myself and that is enough to be. Because I have known when Allah Almighty knows better I do not need to be worried.
The biggest truth is that people say everything that happens is already written and we call this fate. Yes, it is but sometimes our will power turns the road and that road leads to happiness but something sorrows. Because we don't know what will happen at the end. Results make us out of control in both conditions if those are according to our requirements or not. For people self control is not easy but I feel self control is the only requirement for everything and my focus is always kept on it.
My life was not smooth enough but where people lose hope I raised myself there, when I faced myself as a failure. I fell, others consoled but I was almost broken. But once I decided, only a subject or object can not describe my whole life. That subject is Literary Theory, a great attribute to you for giving me strength to know what actually I am. If you feel me down only you push me up to raise the theory of my life. Each act passes from self analysis and criticism as you do and I am not ashamed to be a failure as I was too much. But I feel proud to take initiative to find myself.
I was the object, who was broken and reconnected by the same thing. Yes, my life is not smooth like successful people but it's going upward day by day. I am learning to be a knowledge seeker instead of grades and money. Because these two will stay here with fame but I want to go without both but leaving my name. Life is mortal. We have to die but after that I was feeling worthless like a dead person but I did not make that point for me to stop going on.
No one can push you to move when you personally do not want to be pushed. And I learned how to get self control on the condition when you are standing on the narrow bridge crossing a stream of doubts. Taking risks acknowledges how to get experience, while I know when I was being fearful of failure to do something new. Where the whole universe is frightful due to the pandemic situation, I found a way towards Lord and I feel God helps you when you ask something from the bottom of your heart.
After failing I have to continue but inner me was thinking how I will manage to continue that subject. On a daily basis, in each prayer the same words were in my heart. Maybe it is not right to say but I really found hope in that harmful condition and thus I was kept safe from disrespectful eyes. Lockdown due to COVID, for others was a rock but for me was a hope. My belief in Him is more strong but I wish for those who lost their beloveds He will obviously have planned something extraordinary for them as I have experienced.
Happiness around us is all about the colorful nature and the things, making a person happy and more passionate to do something. If an artist draws a sketch and makes it colorful there is always a story behind the choice about that sketch. And I always try to sketch my own happiness in small things and also I am satisfied with my life. Morality in a person must be prioritized as I feel and run towards to get them from the worldwide. Does not matter good words saying by whom but how much they are impacting, absorb them.
Few rhymes to explain my life’s peaceful climbs;
Everything is possible
If you are ambitious
You might be a good player
If your energy is pure and clear
Your power decides your destination
Sometimes that's just in your imagination
You surely can cross the thorny road
If you have faith in your Lord
Not even compulsory to be first
But be yourself first without any thirst
There's nothing remained same
But except than only your own name
Success isn't to achieve all the time fame
But moving slowly upward without any shame
Then compare your own version
From old to new that's the only best conversion
Don't hesitate to be failure
History declares about such travailleur
Stop to chase someone who's brave
You have to go in your own grave
Stay focused towards the right place
That's the best for your owns elf glace
-Mariyam Munir
Ending my words for the girl who did not lose her hope but took this whole time as a challenge.
